Yayyy!! My baby is alive and kicking (not literally, but he/she is there!!)
Went for the 6th week ultra sound scan last Friday. My gosh, the anticipation and nervousness and curiousness was way above us. We were just there hoping for the best and expecting the worst. I was literally on the fence and the only thing that I was hanging on to was my faith in God. I could not hang on to hubby cos I know even though he looks macho and strong outside, inside he is as soft as a puppy's fur when it comes to this kind of stuff. Poor thing.
As you know my bleeding had completely stopped. Thank God for that. The hormone pills that the doc gave really worked and I reckoned it helped healed the amniotic sac. My HCG hormone (the pregnancy hormone) doubled and that was a good sign that I would not be experiencing any miscarriage anytime soon.
So about 15 minutes waiting, we finally got called in. This is it. Please let there be a heart beat. That was all I wanted.
First the normal ultra sound scan. The doc actually had to press really HARD to get a proper look, cos it seems that my uterus is terbalik?? (retro verted). Aiyo. What else can go wrong la? And that was why it was pretty difficult to see the baby. SO again she had to use the TVS which was undoubtedly uncomfortable. Probe, probe, probe.. and there it was. A tiny, teeny micro dot moving left right up down as though it was being poked around. It was my baby's heartbeat, y'all!!!!!
Gosh how I wish I had a camera to record that heartbeat. This survivor, fighter, miracle baby of mine. HI THERE!! Mummy and Dadda is looking at you!! Peek a Boo!
Ok, ok. I know it is just a form of cell and not much of a human being yet, but I think I was just fast forwarding to when we will able to cuddle him/her in our arms. Yipee! A gift from God, it is, and it's growing inside of me. (I do so sound like a first time mum, but it has been 6 years now. I am so excited).
I remembered when I was pregnant with my son, I was so happy. My hair was silky and shiny. I was always a jovial person and there was not much of morning sickness or headaches etc. I was still working that time. I could not stay still. I was always on the go. I had the energy of a horse.
But now ever since the miscarriage scare, I had to tone it down. Besides, just going from the kitchen to my bedroom upstairs leaves me panting for air. I could not even spend 3 hours in a mall without feeling dizzy. I am not sure whether it is the intensity of shopping or maybe too many people or just sometimes some places do not have the right amount of air conditioning. I am not sure which one, but I think all 3 played a part. Can you still believe that a sack of rice that I bought 3 days back is still in the car?? I did not dare to carry it into the house cos I have to go from the back gate and then into the kitchen. My gate is spoiled (darn dog chewed off the wires) so I am stuck. SO the 10kg sack of rice is still in the car. Grrrr. Hubby's outstation and coming back today. Will definitely tell that I just bought the rice today and ask him to carry it in (hee hee.. shhh.)
A little bit off topic, but I got the good news part of my chest. I have also got a picture of the scan of which hubby wanted to laminate and frame it. Well it is his first baby, considering the fact that he skipped the whole infant to toddler years of Angelus. Soo now hubby gets to squirm, cuddle, drool and fuss over his very own little bundle of joy. Really cannot wait for that.
So that is all folks. Next ultra sound would be on the 26th, whereby baby is 8 weeks old!! This time I will definitely bring a digicam!!
yesterday hubby and i decided to go to damansara specialist centre for a second opinion and also bases on the advice of our cousin doctor. according to him this gynae is quite good and very reputable. maybe he can answer some of the questions that i still have.
well basically it was the same as my first visit though. but this doctor brought a little bit more hope to us. he mentioned that there was bleeding around the sac and this was because of me lacking of the HCG hormone which basically helps with the pregnancy. And because of lack of HCG, in turn I am also lacking the hormone progesterone. Progesterone enriches the uterus with a thick lining of blood vessels and capillaries so that it can sustain the growing fetus. Which is why the doctor prescribed me with progesterone pills to be taken twice daily.
i also had a minor blood test done to detemine the levels of HCG in my body. the second test would be in 2 days time. this is to determine whether the pregnancy is viable or not. i should have about 5,000-200,000 mIU/ml of expected HCG levels. also if there is a decrease in HCG levels between the first and second one, then there is something to be worried about.
basically, it is a 50/50 chance to this pregnancy. if it goes to the path that we all want, according to the doc, the baby will be fine (so that answered my first question). also i will still be bleeding a bit while my body is trying to heal the sac. so right now even though i am still bleeding there is a high chance that the pregnancy is still viable.
baby, if you can hear mummy, please be strong and please show us your little heart beat next week on tuesday. mummy and dadda would really like that...
Hi everyone.
It is day 5, and 6 more days to my ultra scan check up, and yes I am still bleeding. Mostly spots actually and I am shit scared.
I am still experiencing some cramps here and there. All I can do now is to pray..
Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I don't concern myself with matters too great
or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
now and always.
Psalm 131
i am having slight bleeding for the past 4 days now, and we decided to go for a checkup even though the last GP told me to go only in weeks time. i thought that the bleeding was not a source of concern since i read that it might be due to the embryo implantation to the uterus. however according to the articles that i have read, implantation occurs within a week after conception. my conception date was in early august. i have my doubts there that the bleeding is caused by the implantation.
i decided to go somewhere near this time, also not to a private clinic or medical center but to the community hospital at my place. so the nearest one was Columbia Hospital, Puchong. got myself registered and waited for the female gynae. her name was Dr. Raja.
waited for about half an hour and when finally my turn was up, i felt a little bit nervous. went in and told the doctor that i had some bleeding going on. so she asked me to lie down.
at first when she did the scanning she pointed to me that there was a 2cm fibroid near the sac. there was also a cyst near my ovary of which was not a concern and that it will shrink soon. the sac was still too small to see clearly as she explained that it was still early. so she said that she had to do another type of scan that is much more clearer. i consented to that as i really wanted to know what was going on.
so she probed and probed (it was quite uncomfortable at times) and finally she saw the sac. she showed me the position of the fibroid and the sac of which was very close to each other. then she said that the sac was a little bit deformed though. i was a little bit confused. then she told me to sit down.
so she taught me a little bit of embryo implantation 101. this is the illustration.
okay it does not really look like that but basically my sac was a little bit deformed. the more she explained, the more bad news she gave. the embryo might be unhealthy, and within this few days i might lose it completely, as in i'm going to have a miscarriage. i was in shock and practically shivering. the doc gave me 2 choices on what i should do now. either to have 2 blood tests to confirm the failed pregnancy or wait for another week for the ultra sound scan and see how it goes. if by next week she sees a normal shaped sac and heart beat that means the pregnancy is good to go. but deep in my heart if the embryo was unhealthy in the first place, would it meant that i would have an unhealthy baby? i think at that time i was just too overwhelmed with emotion i did not proceed with the question in mind. how i wish hubby was there. anyway i opted for the second one as in i will wait for nature to take its course and see her again next week.
when i went out, i blindly walked to the cashier and waited. the nurse came back with my appointment card for next tuesday morning. then my name was called and the whole visit cost me rm 115! yipes. even that was not shocking. i was dumb founded literally.
walked out and my mind was racing. what to tell hubby? would i break first or he? i think if he had been with me he would have broken down first, and i would follow suit. i went in the car, switched on the engine and the a/c, but figured that the engine might get too hot if i was in the car too long. switched off. gosh so hot. so i opted for the a/c again instead. then i dialled. i could sense he was anticipating it and was as nervous as me (when i first went in to see the doc). and so i told him but i remained calm and hopeful. after that i went home completely forgetting all my chores. i had no energy (mentally) to be efficient today.
at home i began surfing. just trying to find answers on my whats, whys, hows and whens questions. was it because of the fibroid? but i had it when i was pregnant with angelus, and it actually shrunk. i read that fibroids can interfere with the embryo implantation. yipes. is this whats going on? then went googled miscarriage, and i came on this youtube video.
that was when i broke down.
if this baby really is not meant to be, then i hope God will bring him/her to heaven safely.
and if this baby sail through the first trimester, i pray to God that it will be a healthy one.
so please prayer warriors and all those who are reading this, pray for me and this unborn child of mine to make it through the week.
if the miscarriage happens, pray for strength and courage to be given to both myself and hubby and to all who were anticipating for this baby.
thanks to all for your wishes and words of encouragement.
to come across women who goes through a lot to get pregnant, but yet fail and fail again, makes me feel that i am among those who are blessed. we did tried once and failed once, but to get it right the second time, is indeed a miracle.
i am already in the beginning of my first trimester, a period where i should be resting and not walk too much as we wait for the implantation to the wall of my uterus is done.
however since i have this cough and flu after my trip to indon, i seem to be having mild asthma now and then. whenever i climb up the stairs etc, i will be having shortness of breath and i can feel that my lungs are blocked by phlegm, most probably. also after the flu medicine last night, i was knocked out even though i slept in the afternoon.
and today, i still feel sleepy and a little bit fatigue.
i think this time around i am going on a strict nutritious diet and exercise well so that i do not gain too much of unnecessary kilos. i know breastfeeding would slash those pounds away, but it does not hurt to be a gorgeous pregnant 30 year old mum now isn't it?
so my regime starts now.
we have already gotten names for the babe as well, both for male and female. wowee, the first (by blood) grandchild for the Doss family.
also while i was shopping for some stuff yesterday, i could not help feeling a little bit mortified because here it has been mummy and angelus for 6 years, and now there is another addition to this equation. i feel sort of scared that the bond that i have with son would be minimalised and diverted to this lil person in me. sort of scared of the changes. especially something that i cannot foresee in the future. son means the world to me and he has already shown his intelligence and obedience and compassion and leadership in such a young age. i am just afraid that his little bro/sis might be of different character than him, something that hubby and i cannot handle. sigh..
i think i will end this post with this verse..
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I cant even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
Psalm 139:16–18
i believe that God has set out a course for everyone. i guess i only have to believe in Him and trust in His plans..
To discipline a child produces wisdom,
but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. …
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind
and will make your heart glad.
Proverbs 29:15, 17
In this family of mine, hubby and I do not tolerate laziness, talking back, no manners and lying. That is what we live by when disciplining our son. It is difficult to actually maintain our poise when the other parent is busy scolding cos the other one might disagree or do not want to torment the child further.
Just the other day son was is an unacceptable situation whereby he completely lost his manners. so hubby was pretty angry about that and son got it from him. i kept quiet but i did scolded him (to show that i disapprove it as well) but i was not the main disciplinarian at that time. Hubby and I each got our moments whereby one of us was the main disciplinarian. The other would scold to disapprove but not to the extent of beating to avoid tormenting son further.
So make sure there is enough disciplining going on at your home as well as balance it out with constant love, care and encouragement when he/she deserves it.
BULL'S EYE!!
That is all I can say for this post, cos.......
i can see 2 lines!!!
yipeeeee!!!!
