i am having slight bleeding for the past 4 days now, and we decided to go for a checkup even though the last GP told me to go only in weeks time. i thought that the bleeding was not a source of concern since i read that it might be due to the embryo implantation to the uterus. however according to the articles that i have read, implantation occurs within a week after conception. my conception date was in early august. i have my doubts there that the bleeding is caused by the implantation.
i decided to go somewhere near this time, also not to a private clinic or medical center but to the community hospital at my place. so the nearest one was Columbia Hospital, Puchong. got myself registered and waited for the female gynae. her name was Dr. Raja.
waited for about half an hour and when finally my turn was up, i felt a little bit nervous. went in and told the doctor that i had some bleeding going on. so she asked me to lie down.
at first when she did the scanning she pointed to me that there was a 2cm fibroid near the sac. there was also a cyst near my ovary of which was not a concern and that it will shrink soon. the sac was still too small to see clearly as she explained that it was still early. so she said that she had to do another type of scan that is much more clearer. i consented to that as i really wanted to know what was going on.
so she probed and probed (it was quite uncomfortable at times) and finally she saw the sac. she showed me the position of the fibroid and the sac of which was very close to each other. then she said that the sac was a little bit deformed though. i was a little bit confused. then she told me to sit down.
so she taught me a little bit of embryo implantation 101. this is the illustration.
okay it does not really look like that but basically my sac was a little bit deformed. the more she explained, the more bad news she gave. the embryo might be unhealthy, and within this few days i might lose it completely, as in i'm going to have a miscarriage. i was in shock and practically shivering. the doc gave me 2 choices on what i should do now. either to have 2 blood tests to confirm the failed pregnancy or wait for another week for the ultra sound scan and see how it goes. if by next week she sees a normal shaped sac and heart beat that means the pregnancy is good to go. but deep in my heart if the embryo was unhealthy in the first place, would it meant that i would have an unhealthy baby? i think at that time i was just too overwhelmed with emotion i did not proceed with the question in mind. how i wish hubby was there. anyway i opted for the second one as in i will wait for nature to take its course and see her again next week.
when i went out, i blindly walked to the cashier and waited. the nurse came back with my appointment card for next tuesday morning. then my name was called and the whole visit cost me rm 115! yipes. even that was not shocking. i was dumb founded literally.
walked out and my mind was racing. what to tell hubby? would i break first or he? i think if he had been with me he would have broken down first, and i would follow suit. i went in the car, switched on the engine and the a/c, but figured that the engine might get too hot if i was in the car too long. switched off. gosh so hot. so i opted for the a/c again instead. then i dialled. i could sense he was anticipating it and was as nervous as me (when i first went in to see the doc). and so i told him but i remained calm and hopeful. after that i went home completely forgetting all my chores. i had no energy (mentally) to be efficient today.
at home i began surfing. just trying to find answers on my whats, whys, hows and whens questions. was it because of the fibroid? but i had it when i was pregnant with angelus, and it actually shrunk. i read that fibroids can interfere with the embryo implantation. yipes. is this whats going on? then went googled miscarriage, and i came on this youtube video.
that was when i broke down.
if this baby really is not meant to be, then i hope God will bring him/her to heaven safely.
and if this baby sail through the first trimester, i pray to God that it will be a healthy one.
so please prayer warriors and all those who are reading this, pray for me and this unborn child of mine to make it through the week.
if the miscarriage happens, pray for strength and courage to be given to both myself and hubby and to all who were anticipating for this baby.
thanks to all for your wishes and words of encouragement.
to come across women who goes through a lot to get pregnant, but yet fail and fail again, makes me feel that i am among those who are blessed. we did tried once and failed once, but to get it right the second time, is indeed a miracle.
i am already in the beginning of my first trimester, a period where i should be resting and not walk too much as we wait for the implantation to the wall of my uterus is done.
however since i have this cough and flu after my trip to indon, i seem to be having mild asthma now and then. whenever i climb up the stairs etc, i will be having shortness of breath and i can feel that my lungs are blocked by phlegm, most probably. also after the flu medicine last night, i was knocked out even though i slept in the afternoon.
and today, i still feel sleepy and a little bit fatigue.
i think this time around i am going on a strict nutritious diet and exercise well so that i do not gain too much of unnecessary kilos. i know breastfeeding would slash those pounds away, but it does not hurt to be a gorgeous pregnant 30 year old mum now isn't it?
so my regime starts now.
we have already gotten names for the babe as well, both for male and female. wowee, the first (by blood) grandchild for the Doss family.
also while i was shopping for some stuff yesterday, i could not help feeling a little bit mortified because here it has been mummy and angelus for 6 years, and now there is another addition to this equation. i feel sort of scared that the bond that i have with son would be minimalised and diverted to this lil person in me. sort of scared of the changes. especially something that i cannot foresee in the future. son means the world to me and he has already shown his intelligence and obedience and compassion and leadership in such a young age. i am just afraid that his little bro/sis might be of different character than him, something that hubby and i cannot handle. sigh..
i think i will end this post with this verse..
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I cant even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
Psalm 139:16–18
i believe that God has set out a course for everyone. i guess i only have to believe in Him and trust in His plans..
To discipline a child produces wisdom,
but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. …
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind
and will make your heart glad.
Proverbs 29:15, 17
In this family of mine, hubby and I do not tolerate laziness, talking back, no manners and lying. That is what we live by when disciplining our son. It is difficult to actually maintain our poise when the other parent is busy scolding cos the other one might disagree or do not want to torment the child further.
Just the other day son was is an unacceptable situation whereby he completely lost his manners. so hubby was pretty angry about that and son got it from him. i kept quiet but i did scolded him (to show that i disapprove it as well) but i was not the main disciplinarian at that time. Hubby and I each got our moments whereby one of us was the main disciplinarian. The other would scold to disapprove but not to the extent of beating to avoid tormenting son further.
So make sure there is enough disciplining going on at your home as well as balance it out with constant love, care and encouragement when he/she deserves it.
BULL'S EYE!!
That is all I can say for this post, cos.......
i can see 2 lines!!!
yipeeeee!!!!
The LORD will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.
Don't abandon me, for you made me.
Psalm 138:8
Many a times some of us might call it quits in life. For some of us, it would be during those dreary confusing teenage years of which we were still trying to hang on to lost love, or maybe a dreadful incident that we had witnessed between our parents scarred us for life, or maybe a tragic loss of a loved one. Even losing money might be a reason why some people would want to end their lives.
But what is highlighted in the bible passage above is true for all us, no matter what religion we are in. God, Allah, Buddha etc would test us until to a certain point of which we will bounce back again. God has a plan for all of us and it is not in His nature to abandon his people.
So hang on for those who are in remorse now and clutch tightly the word and love of God, for if you are steadfast in Him, He will definitely show you the way...
i was drowned with utmost remorse and disgust when i read in the papers yesterday, that a barely day old baby was found ababndoned in a drain near ara damansara. several kongsi workers heard the baby's cries and was actually taken aback at first, fearing that it was a ghost or something. but luckily they came back and managed to find the baby, full with insect bites and was a little bit blue because of the cold.
in relation to my topic, i am really angry because here i am waiting and praying to conceive, there are still people out there who consider the greatest miracle God had bestowed on us, as a piece of rubbish, waiting to be discarded away just like that.
my prayers are with the little baby whom is now recuperating well in University Malaya Medical Centre. God bless him..
My aim is to rest and relax at home. Eat a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, meat, lots of iron and protein, milk for the calcium and multi vitamins for the extra supplement that I will need. So far I have complied with eating a lot of fruits as hubby and I are on a rampage almost every night going all out buying rambutans, durians, apples, oranges etc. Since today is Wednesday, we would be going to SS3 and pajak (buy) their mangoes, apples, langsat, rambutans and coconut. My gosh. Can we actually get an overdose from eating too much of fruits? LOL! Hmm... Am I trying too hard here? As far as I can remember I did not try this hard when I got my first kid. Relax Edna...
Anyway, about the whole idea of getting a little bit of R&R. NOT happening! This coming Saturday will be son's Sports Day. Now that will start bright and early in the morning at 7am. My goodness. It will somehow last until somewhere before noon, and of course I will be up on my toes trying to get as much videos and photos of my little boy. Sigh. How he has grown. And being a fanatic athlete himself, hubby is training him for his run on that day. Aiyo. Training would be running about 100 metres as fast as he can. I am not really sure if he will be running that far, dear. For all we know it might just be running 50 metres together with his friends, carrying an egg with a spoon, or something like that. The second half of Saturday would be just free and easy, as hubby would be going to PD for a football match.
Sunday would be a VERY busy day, as we will be going to church for the first service at 7.30am (urgh.. I'm not a morning person). After that around 10am the whole family as well as hubby's Australian boss (and his family) will be going to Sunway Lagoon! My son is pretty hyped about that. His hypeness for his sports day has died off.
So the only days that I can rest will be on weekdays from 8am to 2.30pm, because this is when son goes to school. After that it is chaos again until a little bit after midnight, as hubby and I would hang out till then. Gosh. Who says being a Stay At Home Mum is easy? Plus the pressure of getting pregnant. It is sometimes very stressfull indeed.
Next weekend would be the week that we will be going to Pekan Baru, Indonesia for our church's mission trip. My first mission trip and I am terribly nervous. That would take us 5 days. Then the next weekend after that hubby and I will be organising a farewell dinner to one of the most happening pastors in our church, Pastor David Heng, also the pastor for Christian Care Centre. That would be a totally different story.
So what is the result for this R&R plan? NOT working! Maybe I should just go ahead with my daily routines and not think too much of it. Well let's just wait and see.
